Without Hakuryu
by wrinkle
Summary: Hakuryu is sick. The Sanzo-ikkou is left with nothing but each other and the middle of nowhere. *NOW FEATURING: THE BLOOPERS!*
1. Without Hakuryu

Without Hakuryu  
  
by: ~wrinkle~  
  
Disclaimer: Lady Minekura owns them all. I'm just a tool to give her more fans.  
  
Thanks to Gojyo no Miko for beta-reading the fic and imparting me with some of her 'Gojyo' knowledge. I included some translations except for the repetitions of the quite famous Jap words in Saiyuki (baka saru - stupid monkey and bouzu - monk. Those two will be quite frequent ;D) If they are anything besides helpful, do let me know.  
  
Hope you guys like it :D  
  
*********  
  
It's been months since he has accompanied them in a journey. The first months were hard and unpredictable. It was most difficult adjusting to the life of a traveler. Inevitably, he has learn to adapt to the demands of their mission. May it be from harsh weather conditions or the frequency of heated battles and near death experiences. In those crucial months, he had gotten to use to the usual arguments of his companions and had predicted their outcomes accurately. Now that he had thought of it, it is not entirely a demanding and a tedious trip. He had formed friendships with no words needed to be said. The fact that they have been together for quite some time already established a bond between them. All the sudden they call his name when he is hurt, all the sudden he goes to their needs without telling himself 'I must!'.  
  
It is because they are friends.  
  
Why then is he feeling that way? If he is used to traveling, from dusk to dawn.Why only now? Why only now does he feel the need to...  
  
"KYUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!"  
  
*********  
  
"Hakuryu?!"  
  
"WAAAAAAAAA!!!!"  
  
"kisa---"  
  
"OI!!"  
  
*POOF*  
  
Son Goku was the first to announce that he is alive by coughing out sands. Apparently all four of them now appear sunken through the yellow sea of sands. The jeep they were once riding quite peacefully on was gone.  
  
"Hakuryu!" Cho Hakkai stood up immediately, looking frantically around, "HAKURYU!!"  
  
"...kyu...u..."  
  
"Hakuryu!" Much relaxed now, Hakkai sprung to the sprawled creature that looked lifeless before him.  
  
"Oi..." Sha Gojyo was able to stand after wiping the sands sprayed on his face from Hakkai's immediate launch, "Watch where you're kicking the sands at."  
  
"What the hell happened?" Genjo Sanzo followed behind, securing his crown in his sleeve.  
  
"Hakuryu..." Hakkai kneeled on the sand, "You could have told us earlier..."  
  
"Kyuuu...."  
  
"Oi," Gojyo bent down to take a look at the creature Hakkai is holding now, "Stop keeping things to yourself, tell us what happened..."  
  
"Hakuryu is sick," Hakkai sighed, "He refused to tell us in the past days when we had that mission in the canyons. He thought it is very important and that he should not let us down."  
  
"Playing martyr now? " Gojyo shook his head, "It's not healthy at all..."  
  
"We better look for a clinic then..." Sanzo joined the two with Goku not far behind, "...First we must know how to get out of this desert."  
  
*********  
  
"Naaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."  
  
"Whew," Hakkai covered his eyes to see what is there on the horizon with Hakuryu lying on his cradled hands, "Yareyare desu ne (oh boy), looks like it will take us hours to the next town if we walk..."  
  
"Naaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."  
  
"Hmp," Sanzo stood calmly, covered by robes amidst the skin tearing sunlight from above, "Then walking we would do..."  
  
"?????? NAAAAA!!"  
  
"Easy for you to say, Kono Bakabouzu (you stupid monk)," Gojyo snorted, lagging behind, "For someone who's used to pilgrimages..."  
  
"How long did you say is a lifespan of a cockroach again?"  
  
"NAAA!!!" Goku caught up with Hakkai, "Hours of walking?!?!?! I'm dying in here! Isn't there any Chinese food stops around here??"  
  
All three of them stopped on their tracks and replied, "In a desert?"  
  
"Baka saru!" Gojyo smacked the boy's head from behind, "What else would you ask next? Delivery?"  
  
"...Do they have one?"  
  
They all fainted.  
  
"Kono (You) baka saru!" A paper fan landed on Goku's head, making him yelp. Sanzo's vein on the forehead had started to bulge and his voice had started to be out of pitch again.  
  
"Do you know how your moronic words are driving me insane that if I hear one more...I will prohibit you from even eating a single pea for the rest of your life!"  
  
"Why don't you tell him you'd kill him in short?" Gojyo muttered.  
  
"Minna! (everyone)" Hakkai revealed a distressed face, "What if we start walking now so it will not take us a day here? Please help Hakuryu!"  
  
"A day?!?!?!" Goku exclaimed.  
  
"Fine fine," Gojyo relaxed his head with his hands on its back, "No use staying and being fried alive...I could think of better ways of dying."  
  
"Tsk," Sanzo just pulled out a cigarette and tried to nurse his increasing high blood pressure.  
  
*********  
  
"Ne...It would help if we can hitch a ride..." Hakkai mused aloud.  
  
"You don't have to tell us that," Gojyo walked side by side him.  
  
"Na...It would help if I have a bun..."  
  
"One word..." Sanzo warned.  
  
"It's useless, namagusa bouzu, (corrupt/raw-smelling monk)" Gojyo grinned, not looking at the monk and the boy behind him and Hakkai, "He's a bakasaru for the rest of his life."  
  
"Better than an ero kappa (horny water monster) for the rest of your life and flirt on younger women when you already look like a horse!"  
  
"TEME!"  
  
"Ohoho," Hakkai had chuckled with the steaming Sanzo by his side, "I think that was a good joke, do you think so Hakuryu?"  
  
"kyukyu..."  
  
"Glad you still have that sense of humor, ne?" Hakkai smiled widely, "If the weather could only be slightly nicer, we could camp ne, Sanzo?"  
  
"If the weather is nice, I could have gotten the hell out of here and leave you squabbling fools to your miseries..." Sanzo uttered with eyebrows meeting each other, "Better to die alone than with you."  
  
"Heh heh," Hakkai scratched his head, holding the dragon by one hand momentarily, "Who says we're gonna die Sanzo?"  
  
"Tsk!" Sanzo blew a puff of smoke and threw the cigarette to the sands even if only one eighth of it was exhausted.  
  
"Oi Bouzu, maybe you should pray to your gods or something to get us out of here," Gojyo proposed, "Maybe they would still consider the fact that you're a Sanzo despite your corrupt being and grant your prayers."  
  
To which Sanzo only replied, "...Maybe you should be the monk."  
  
*********  
  
".Naaaaaaaa....are you sure you're not hiding any buns there Sanzo?"  
  
"For the nth time.! You want to chew on cigarettes?"  
  
"Ooh that's nice," Gojyo remarked, "That means you'll share them?"  
  
"Iiya. (No)"  
  
"Chii~" Gojyo crossed his arms and brooded. "I really don't understand monks,"  
  
"UWAH...I knew we could have taken out some food from the canyons!!!"  
  
"If we did, you'd still eat them on the way to this desert, what's the point?" Gojyo argued.  
  
"At least I'm stuffed!"  
  
"YOU'RE NEVER STUFFED!!!"  
  
"Unless I try to stab the bouzu and have the pet weep over him..." Gojyo smirked.  
  
"Try and I'll squash you, gokiburi. (cockroach)" Sanzo declared, now keeping his head high.  
  
Gojyo only mimicked Sanzo's dialogue. "Tsk, I could be sleeping the afternoon with some women."  
  
"I could be eating in the temple..." Goku chorused.  
  
"I could be getting a life," Sanzo muttered to himself.  
  
*********  
  
Hakkai could only laugh despite the fact that he is unsettled with the tiny dragon in his arms. At least they are walking, they have exhausted all measures so to take Hakuryu somewhere cozy.  
  
Miraculously, the group had shut up after everyone seem to be...tired of fighting.  
  
Then, Hakkai thought he heard something. He thought it might be silence itself that was causing the drumming noise. However, Sanzo himself had perked up from the sound. They can't all have the same mirage, can they?  
  
"Is that...a cart?" Gojyo squinted his eyes to see better.  
  
"Is that a cow?"  
  
"Baka saru!" Gojyo was able to gather enough strength to smack the boy again. He was hopeful that it is a cart after all Hakkai and Sanzo appeared to be seeing the same thing.  
  
"It's a cart all right!" Hakkai was overjoyed and he started waving his hand.  
  
Goku struggled to go up afront, "OI!!!!!!! OVER HERE!!!" He jumped and waved about.  
  
"Ne!" Hakkai had on a wide smile, "It's heading straight towards here!"  
  
"Oh finally!" Gojyo gave out an exasperated sigh, "The bouzu's prayers are answered."  
  
"I *didn't* pray," Sanzo uttered between clenched teeth.  
  
The cart finally stopped by them. A man with a hat, jumper and dusty pair of torn pants greeted them, "Hey, you boys look like you need a ride?"  
  
"HAI!! (Yes)"  
  
"Sure, gotta bear with the smell though. I'm delivering fertilizers to town..."  
  
"Eh...."  
  
*********  
  
Gojyo exited the inn last, wearing a noticably flashy white shirt to replace the formerly greyed one, "Well, looks like Sanzo's gods were nice to us this past few days. We got a nice bath, Hakuryu's treated...I won and scored two nights in a row. The saru got his share of foods...don't know about the bouzu though..."  
  
"Hmp...They don't like me apparently," Sanzo turned away, "Anyhow, I was cursed since the first day of this journey." Anyway, he gave the customary go signal: "Ikuzo. (Let's go)"  
  
"Hai!" Hakkai watched as Hakuryu flew to the ground. All four of them stood aside and waited.  
  
....  
  
"...Is there a problem? Hakuryu?" Hakkai asked, slowly walking towards the dragon.  
  
"Kyu....kyukyu..."  
  
"Don't tell me he's pregnant," Gojyo groaned and placed his hands on his head.  
  
"It's not that...Demo.minna.(However.everyone.)," Hakkai scratched his head and faced his three companions, "Looks like we must stay here for quite some time."  
  
"Eh?? What for??" Goku protested.  
  
"Ne, Hakuryu forgot how to turn into a jeep..."  
  
*********  
  
~END~ 


	2. The Bloopers!

Without Hakuryu - The Bloopers!  
  
by: ~wrinkle~  
  
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Nota bene: Na, this is not a 'hidden agenda' to force you into reading my fic however...it would really help if you have read the fic itself ;D After all, that is where these bloopers would come from.  
  
The idea of having 'bloopers' or 'screws up' in fan-fic is not my original idea. Kudos should go to Kat Aclysm, who's a wonderful Final Fantasy VII fan-fic writer. You should find her stories here.  
  
It's an ambitious attempt since the source of the bloopers is already a humor fic in itself. Humoring the humor fic is quite...a silly idea. But do tell me how it is. ;D Thanks to everyone who have commented!  
  
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There is always a process in fan-fiction making. In contrast to popular belief, it takes days to months to even as years. This is especially true when you are dealing with the Sanzo-ikkou. When a huge chunk of the time is devoted to convincing them to do it.  
  
"How about a plane trip to the west?"  
  
Goku, Gojyo and Hakkai's eyes enlarged, "A Plane trip to the West????"  
  
"Iiya," Sanzo blew a ring of smoke, "It sounds too good."  
  
"Well what if we teach you a new Evil sutra technique?"  
  
"If there would be one, I would be the first to know," Sanzo insisted.  
  
"What if we change your Exorcism gun to the EX007910791AD?"  
  
"...Do you really want to?"  
  
Goku, Gojyo and Hakkai rapidly shook their heads, "IIYA! IIYA!!!!!!"  
  
Well that was eventually settled later.  
  
'Without Hakuryu' is a humor fic about the Sanzo-ikkou being stranded in a desert and must fend with themselves without Hakuryu. It's the same 'baka bouzu'-'ero kappa'-baka saru' and 'maa maa' way, but with a new twist of course.  
  
"WHAT? I get to be hit 50 times??" Goku exclaimed.  
  
"Erm, we'll change that..."  
  
"Shucks, that sounds so much fun..." Gojyo smirked, crossing his arms.  
  
"Well it says here that you get to be hit the same number of times..."  
  
"Oi?? Doushite???"  
  
Sanzo apparently only scanned the script, flipped the thing and confidently concluded, "Who would write such a piece of crap?"  
  
Gee, you just have to mean, don't you?  
  
"You have a problem?"  
  
Erm...Anyway, on to the bloopers...  
  
---------------------------  
  
"And Action!"  
  
Narrator speaks, "...Why then is he feeling that way? If he is used to traveling, from dusk to dawn...Why only now? Why only now does he feel the need to..."  
  
"To piss?" Gojyo asked.  
  
"..."  
  
*Take 2*  
  
Narrator speaks, "Why then is he feeling that way? If he is used to traveling, from dusk to dawn...Why only now? Why only now does he feel the need to..."  
  
"*burp*"  
  
"Oooh, that was a good one," Gojyo remarked.  
  
"Erm, cut?"  
  
Goku sighed, "Haraheta desu...When's our break?"  
  
"Gee, we haven't even really started yet..."  
  
-------------------------  
  
"Action!"  
  
"Hakuryu!" Cho Hakkai stood up immediately, looking frantically around, "HAKURYU!!" He now ran back and forth, still looking for the creature, "Hakuryu?" He ran again near Gojyo now, "Hakuryu!"  
  
Gojyo whispered while still lying on the sandy ground, waiting for his cue, "Oi...Isn't it taking too long for Hakuryu to show up?"  
  
"Hakuryu!"  
  
"...k..k...kyu...u..."  
  
"Agh! Goku! You're sitting on him!"  
  
----------------------------  
  
"And Action!"  
  
"Easy for you to say, Kono Bakabouzu," Gojyo snorted, lagging behind, "For someone who's used to pilgrimages..."  
  
*WHAM!!*  
  
"Oi!!" Gojyo rubbed his head, "That wasn't in the script!"  
  
"It wasn't?"  
  
-------------------------  
  
"Action!"  
  
(Sanzo) "Do you know how your moronic words are driving me insane that if I hear one more...I will ....oh sh*t..."  
  
*Take 2*  
  
"Do you know how your moronic words are driving me insane that if I hear one more...I will prohibit you from even eating Gojyo for the rest of your life!"  
  
"Oi..."  
  
*Take 3*  
  
"Do you know how...crap...why the hell are the lines too long anyway?!"  
  
Oops.  
  
-------------------------  
  
(Another 'long line' syndrome.)  
  
"Action!"  
  
(Goku) "Better than an ero kappa for the rest of your life and flirt on younger women when...anou...what was I saying?"  
  
"CUT!"  
  
*Take 2*  
  
"Better than an ero kappa for the rest of your life and flirt on younger women when you already look like a baka saru!"  
  
"Eh?"  
  
Gojyo clutched on his abdomen laughing.  
  
*Take 3*  
  
"Better than an ero kappa for the rest of your life and flirt on younger women when you already look like a...naa, haraheta desu..."  
  
*Take 500*  
  
"Better than an ero kappa for the rest of your life and flirt on younger women when you already look like a horse!"  
  
"...."  
  
Hakkai whispered, "Psst...Oi...Gojyo..."  
  
"O?" Gojyo lifted his head with eyes half-shut, "Nani? ...Oh yeah...'Teme!'"  
  
"CUT!!!!"  
  
"ERO KAPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"  
  
----------------------------  
  
"And, action!"  
  
"Ohoho," Hakkai had chuckled with the steaming Sanzo by his side, "I think that was a good joke, do you think so Hakuryu?"  
  
"kyukyukyukyuuu..."  
  
"CUT! Shouldn't that be 'kyukyu'?"  
  
Hakuryu perked up, "Kyu? Kyukyukyukyu!"  
  
"Ne?" Hakkai scratched his head, "Would the readers know what he is saying anyway?"  
  
-------------------------  
  
"All right! Quiet in the set!"  
  
"Wait," Sanzo held his palm up, "I left my gun in the van."  
  
"You don't need that in this scene!  
  
"I don't care. I still left it."  
  
"No one's gonna steal it!"  
  
"I said I'll get it."  
  
"Oh don't be childish..."  
  
*click* "What?"  
  
"Oh there it is ..."  
  
----------------------------  
  
Gojyo only mimicked Sanzo's dialogue. "Tsk, I could be sleeping the afternoon with some women."  
  
"I could be eating in the temple..." Goku chorused.  
  
"I could be getting a shower," Sanzo muttered to himself.  
  
"Oooh," Gojyo grinned, "bouzu's feeling hot..."  
  
"Urusei."  
  
-------------------------------  
  
"Action!"  
  
"Is that...a cart?" Gojyo squinted his eyes to see better.  
  
"Is that a bird?"  
  
"CUT!"  
  
"Bird??" Gojyo threw his hands, "Where the hell did that come from??"  
  
"I dunno...Somehow it sounded right..."  
  
*Take 2*  
  
"Is that...a cart?" Gojyo squinted his eyes to see better.  
  
"Is that a...well...cart?"  
  
"CUT!"  
  
*Take 3*  
  
"Is that...a cart?" Gojyo squinted his eyes to see better.  
  
"Is that a....chicken?"  
  
"COW! Dammit!" Gojyo smacked the boy, "It's as if it's not 52 degrees here!"  
  
"Itai yo!" Goku held his head, "Hey, that wasn't in the script!"  
  
"So was the chicken!"  
  
----------------------------  
  
"Hmp...They don't like me apparently," Sanzo turned away, "Anyhow, I was cursed since the first day of this journey." Anyway, he gave the customary go signal: "Ikuzo."  
  
"Hai!" Hakkai watched as Hakuryu flew to the ground. All four of them stood aside and waited.  
  
To everyone's astonishment, there was a 'bamf!'. Smoke surrounded the Sanzo-ikkou and left one or two of them coughing.  
  
Hakkai was able to wipe the smoke away from his vision. His eyes suddenly enlarged and he let out a startled cry, "Hakuryu!!"  
  
"Oi..." Gojyo walked to a tractor van before them and patted the white tinted vehicle, "Full accommodations!"  
  
"Oi! Sugoi!" Goku ran, "Clearly, we'll go sailing no morrrreeee!"  
  
Tractor Van: ..kyu.kyu?  
  
Sanzo pointed at the van and looked at the director, "Is this the real ending of the story?"  
  
"Erm...Well actually..."  
  
"Iiya!" Hakkai said in panic, "Hakuryu, can you turn back to normal?"  
  
"Oi! What for??" Gojyo demanded, "Just when what we need is here! It's a blessing from Sanzo's gods!"  
  
"Would you shut up with the gods?!" Sanzo started with a shrill voice and a jabbed finger.  
  
"I don't see how you can be a 'sanzo' without them," Gojyo crossed his arms, "Or how you do those 'makai tenjies'..." Gojyo added with a mimick of how the sutras fly.  
  
Sanzo's vein enlarged and his violet eyes had blazed with fury, "All right. You asked for it gokiburi." He revealed his gun.  
  
"Oi!" Gojyo placed his hands on the air.  
  
"Ne! Not when Hakuryu is this big Sanzo!"  
  
"Wahhhhh!" Goku ran away from the set.  
  
Sanzo apparently was not listening. And the next thing everyone heard was a 'click'.  
  
"Shut the camera! This won't make it in the board of censors!"  
  
"TASUKETEEEEE!!!!!!!"  
  
--------------  
  
End 


End file.
